January 2nd – The Festival of Tortoises and Tortoise-Related Animals

The Festival of Tortoises and Tortoise-Related Animals was created in 1979 by animal rights activists in celebration of the city outlawing the consumption of tortoises, turtles and other related creatures such as terrapins.

Revellers are invited to pet rescued tortoises at special heated pens set up for the day in the Holy Market Square, and free passes to the city’s aquarium are given to members of the TAS (Turtle Appreciation Society), AHRTWG (Animals Have Rights Too Working Group) and CBSA (Compassionate Buentoillitants in Support of Animals).

Holy Market Square also hosts a number of vegan food stands and stands for animal rights campaigning organisations which educate the public about the non-food-related activities that still damage chelonii to this day. For revellers who are fired-up by these stalls, safe release of anger and energy is provided in a march to the Parliament building and the BioJohnsoncorp offices (the latter are charged with selling agro-chemicals which cause stunted growth in tortoise shells).

Those fired up with more destructive tendencies can find adequate recourse in the evening when berrat hooks, slavets, budle spoons and other such illegal tools of the tortoise-meat trade are burned in an enormous bonfire, around which vegan hot chocolates are sold. As almost all the original tools were destroyed in the years following the Tortoise Turtle and Terrapin act of 1979 (excluding those held by law in the Museum of Traditional Antiquities), wooden effigies of the offending articles are used instead.

Other Festivals happening today:

  •  ‘Don’t open that valve!’ festival of BIG MISTAKES
  •  The Universalist Society Ball
  •  Festival Dejour